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2012 has started in a very potent way for me. I like challenges though. They keep me present in the moment, humble, going with my personal creative and awareness practice and help me to rise to the occasion. This one is a success story. And it has to do with our Core Connexion dance practice.
Last week I learnt at a doctor's appointment, that there might be more "wrong" with my body, than I thought. Nothing that is dangerous to my life, just to the quality of my life. The doctor even said, that I might have to lose an organ.
We had our Core Connexion practice the same night (thank goodness) with the theme of inviting all parts of our body into the dance. Facilitating a class is my practice of being present and open to the co-creation of the group field and in the room and the universal energy field. I become present with my body, myself and the group energy, composing the session according to the energy of that night, and I actually get to dance within that group field too. (I know I have a fabulous job!!!) ...
I know lots of the people in my class for a long time, some better than others. (Of course new-comers are ALWAYS welcome!) Some of them have shared their stories with me over the years. Of course some have lost loved ones, some have lost body parts or had other physical or psychological challenges. And they are still there and dancing... alive, breathing and dancing. Some of them are dancing on the other side now.
Dancing with that group of people that night (Yes, the community is a resource!!!) and the energy of the theme somehow catalyzed a deep insight for me. Although this had
been part of my teaching for the last 10 years (now you understand why I teach this...) I understood viscerally on a deeper level that we all have body parts (or also parts of our psyche) that do not work according to our expectations. That night I understood that this part of my body, that gives me so much pain and discomfort, is me too. This is all part of my journey of being a human being. And it is much better to embrace myself fully.
This body part I had been at war with for probably the last 38 years. If I really look at it now, I had never really made peace with it and its function in my life. I had a war going on inside my body causing all kinds of debilitating symptoms.
That night I had arrived at unconditional self-love - a real core experience. Since that night I have not had my usual symptoms. I have not been exhausted, I have been sleeping,... The war is over. I still have some small attacks off and on, but I notice them right away, and come back to self love. This war-energy is not unconscious anymore now, where it could cause unnecessary bodily symptoms. This is not some "woo-woo" thing, this has something to do with down-to-earth surviving and thriving. This is deep practice.
This feeling of betrayal by the body is very common in people with chronic illness. Often it is not even conscious. Sometimes these selfhate wars can start with accidents or other shocks to an energetic system, like a death of a loved one, or open disapproval of one's gender, talents, hair, ... by a parent or care taker. Selfhate often comes from a traumatic event or treatment of some sort. But we can heal from that trauma! We can become present and let ourselves be supported by the dance. Sometimes it is appropriate to get the help of a therapist with this too. We might not change the body part which does not work according to our expectation anymore but we can change the attitude and energy of life. We can invite radical and unconditional self love!
Inviting all of our body into the dance, all of us!... What an important thing.... Each muscle, each breath, each organ and bone is an invitation to become more intimate with life - the dancing energy in my body, which has been given to me almost 46 years ago... I am so happy to be able to live in it, with it,...
Unconditional, radical Self-love, I can highly recommend it!