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Thank you for your loving thoughts and compassion. I am so glad that my story from last week has found resonance with many of you. The journey continues. I am actually doing quite fine. It looks like I don't need any surgery at this point - what I need now (and highly recommend this) is this radical practice of unconditional self-love.
Doing a practice of self-love over the last 2 weeks has of course also highlighted all those times and places where I do not apply self love automatically. I have found lots of little pockets of fear of experiencing the moment. I pull up my shoulders, stop breathing: just to stop life a little bit, so that I do not have to feel it all so intensely. Or I run around like crazy, doing things, keeping busy, so that I don't have to see and hear the truth inside of myself. But why do I do that? ...
I've had the privilege of witnessing hundreds of people on the dance floor over the years and letting myself touched by their dances, stories, tears and jumps of joy. I have seen lots of people holding their breath, pulling up their shoulders or just having frozen parts of their bodies - parts that somehow don't seem to have a dance. Those parts are either tense or hang there like a part of a rag doll, they look kind of dead. Why do we not let them move? Why do we "cut off " parts of us, to not notice life so much?
I came to the conclusion that all those actions of holding life back - is a way of shrinking away from life. Part of me does not want to experience this moment. If I for example somehow don't move my hand during dance, then my hand does not want to experience this moment. But why? My hand is me too!
I deeply feel that this happens when I forget my connection to the life force, when I forget, who I really am at the core and that I have all kinds of resources. Then I start to believe that I cannot be with life as it is - I have to shrink away from it.
We humans have a physical body, feelings, emotions, thoughts, dreams, passions and pains - we experience birth and death... this is our life's condition. And because there is pain and because we all have experienced overwhelming times in our lives (accidents, trauma, surgeries, illness, betrayals, loss,...), we need courage to feel all this aliveness that dances in our bodies. The courage to dance the dance as it arises and to be with all this fully. We need courage to stand in our aliveness and truth.
This is what we practice together on the dance floor. I deeply feel that we help each other to be here. We help each other to be present and have courage to really live in our bodies fully and experience life. The community is a resource! And of course this might take a while.
But the best is, that all this happens on the dance floor in a playful way and each participant can stretch their body, imagination and capacity exactly in that way that is perfect for them. And we all learn from each other. My hands might start to dance automatically when I dance with James or Tigris because their move their hands around. It's like magic! I trust the intelligence of each body and energy system on the dance floor always.
I am looking forward to holding the space for you this week. I am looking forward to remembering who we really are at the core and to growing our courage to be fully alive together! I will see you on the dance floor!
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